


My Whole World

by Triangle_Goddess



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-11 06:03:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20541296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Triangle_Goddess/pseuds/Triangle_Goddess
Summary: Steve has a hole in his chest, and there's really only one person who can fill it.One-Shot





	My Whole World

There’s a hole in Steve’s chest. 

It seems small, and most days he can ignore it, but on others it seems like an endless sea, pulling him in and trying to drown him. He never noticed it the day this hole appeared, but when he did finally see it he knew it was never going to go away. There are to many people in his life that’s he’s lost. 

Peggy is one of them. She was a lightning storm of a woman, who commanded any room she walked into just by walking into it. He still remembered the first day they met, and she landed Hodges on his ass with her infamous right hook. He couldn’t have been happier. And he’d be lying if he said she wasn’t the prettiest woman he’d ever seen. He never told her that, but he likes to think that he didn’t really have to say it. Peggy never cared about anyone’s opinions anyway, so what did it matter what he thought. He loved her, there was no doubt about it. 

There was also his Ma passed when he was eighteen years old. She was the sweetest woman he had ever met, and had aspired to be like her in every way he could. She was a two sided coin. Sweet as can be, but whenever Steve acted up she put the fear of God in him, that’s for sure. But it was okay, because then he met Bucky. And really, he’s the biggest tragedy in this story. 

Bucky, who had been there throughout his entire childhood. Bucky who had picked him up off the asphalt and hauled him into Ms. Rogers’ place. Bucky who tried to get him to date, and dance, and live a little. Bucky who freaked out every time Steve so much as sniffled. Bucky, who had been there for a few of the worst scares Steve had ever had. Bucky, who stood beside him not as Captain America, but as Steve Rogers, the small punk from Brooklyn who had a mouth much to big for him. 

Bucky, whom he loved more than anything in the world. Bucky, who was too afraid to tell Steve, and Steve, who was too afraid to tell him, because the only thing keeping him and Bucky from a quick and silent death in a Brooklyn alleyway was the flimsy secret. 

Nowadays, in the future, people ask him all the time in interviews-Why did you crash the plane? Why not escape? And he usually comes up with some half hearted wheel was stuck or I had to to save everyone. There were bombs on the plane, after all. Those answers were always easier to get out than the real thing. 

How was he going to tell the whole world, who was waiting to hear his answers and see Cap-not Steve-for the idol he is, that he crashed the plane because he didn’t have a real reason to live anymore. Because his reason to live had died the week before, screaming in fear as he reached out hopelessly to Steve, who had to restrain himself from jumping in after him. 

Bucky was his saving grace. Before he met Bucky, Steve didn’t really care if he died or not when he was sick. But Bucky gave him a fighting spirit, gave him a spirit in general. He was the reason Steve joined the army, and he was the reason he became Captain America, and he was the reason he drove that plane to a watery grave. 

Except he didn’t die, because the Universe just loved fucking with him. And to make matters even worse, Bucky was still alive. Everything they had done together had been shoved back in their faces when Hydra finally came out of their goddamn hole. 

And Bucky was back. 

Steve couldn’t comprehend the hate he felt towards Hydra. The infiltration, the world domination, the secrets. Maybe that’s why he butted heads with S.H.I.E.L.D. so much, because no matter what way you look at it, they were just a bunch of bullies, too. 

And Bucky was back. 

His Bucky. His lifeline. His saving grace, his breath of fresh air. 

His whole goddamn world. 

Bucky was back, but not really, and Steve was so fucking excited, only for his hopes to be crushed right in front of his eyes again. Natasha had told him that it was okay to be gay. He had never told her he was, but he knew that she probably guessed based on how many times a week he went to the museum just to see Bucky’s beautiful blue eyes looking back at his. 

He would sit on one of the benches, surrounded by Howling Commandos memorabilia, and he would draw. The graphite or pen in his hand ran along the page like it had done so many times before, and without thinking, in a week Steve had filled up an entire sketch book of Bucky. His smile, his eyes, his jawline, his hair, his back, his shoulders. 

He hid the sketchbook between his mattresses when he got back home. Those sketches were meant for his eyes and nobody else’s. 

Even in the future, where everything was different, everything reminded him of Bucky. Star Wars? Bucky would have loved it. Science fiction was his favorite. A good burger? Steve could imagine Bucky grunting as he ate it, licking the grease from his fingers with those beautiful lips of his. Fireworks, as much as Steve hated them now? Bucky loved seeing the bright colors light up the sky. When they were younger, he used to say that they burst through the sky for nobody but Steve, because the Fourth of July just so happened to be his birthday, too. And that was always more important to Bucky. 

Every apartment building he walked by, he imagined them back at their old place in Brooklyn. The building had been long torn down and turned into a skyscraper, but the sentimentality was still there. The small rooms, the two beds pushed together, because if Steve got to cold Bucky was always there, being his heater. The furnace that never worked, and the small kitchen where Steve would make eggs sometimes, if they had any. When Bucky came home from the docks, stinking up the place with his fish smell, Steve would never hesitate to run up and hug him. 

They didn’t have a great life back then, but for Steve it was almost perfect. 

There’s a hole in Steve’s chest, and some days it’s bigger than others. He knows it will never go away. But now that Bucky is back, and recovering, maybe it will stay small. 

Bucky is his whole world. And maybe, now that it’s legal, Steve can be Bucky’s again.


End file.
